The only place that requesting to be someone's "friend" actually works is in the online world via Facebook or other social networking sites. Even then, you do not usually become real life bffs if your request is accepted. I'm talking about movie nights, sleepovers, 'come over just to cheer you up when you're down' friends.
Why? Is it that adults are too busy with their adult lives now to make time for new friends, or that they are too judgmental about the whole idea of a new friend entering their circle? I am mostly talking about girls here. We are so quick to judge people when we meet them (especially other females), whether we know it or it's subconscious. It's because of that I almost feel like making a new friend or attempting to enter an existing group of friends is just as tough, if not tougher, than entering the dating world.
Most of the friends I have are friends I met through other friends. Now that I live farther away, it is tough to see them, and because of that a few friendships have faded. I don't know anyone in this town besides a few random people, but I have absolutely no idea how to go about creating a brand new circle of friends... and part of me hesitates. I am unsure of myself being able to be a good friend in return, and how much I want to share with someone new. I miss goofy girls' nights, road trips, and just having a friend to laugh with, but at the same time I wonder if that part of my life has simply passed.
If we all had the mentality in the friendship department that we had back when we were children, think about how easy it would be to accept new friends into our lives.
What do you do to make new friends? Would you consider yourself judgmental of potential new bff candidates?
all photos via pinterest.
Come to think of it that is actually, really, true! I really liked this post btw, was interesting to read.
ReplyDeleteIm not a judgmental person when it comes to making new girl friends, but i would like to make friends with girls that like the same things as i do and stuff like that... but it is hard to find a good girl friend these days, so i usually hang out with Guy friends i have. There less dramatical most of the time lol. :))
I am in the SAME boat. I've always had a close circle of friends from school and then in college through my sorority. Now that I'm in a new city, I'm having such a hard time remembering how I used to make friends. Where do I go? What do I say? What if they think I'm weird for sharing too much or too little. What if they already have a "Best friend" and don't have room for another one? I just don't get it! So glad I'm not the only one.
ReplyDeleteYou are spot on! My friends all live in different cities/states/countries. I've tried to make some new friends, but it seems they only have time for me through email or Facebook. It's so sad.
ReplyDeletehttp://mandycrandell.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/#!/MandyCrandell
My sister is so good at this. Wherever she moves (which is a lot with the military) she makes an awesome group of friends who have girls nights, girls trips, and help eachother no matter what. I hope I am like that when I'm married and settled. :)
ReplyDeleteI am a little on the shy side, so I always have to work my nerve up to talk to people that I don't know very well. I usually start by trying to make friends with the people that I see a lot and I usually start just by talking to them whenever I see them. A few kind words can really go a long way and gives them a positive view of you. By talking with them you can see if you have anything in common and your friendship starts blooming. I started a new job two years ago and I didn't know anyone that worked there. But I have made really good friends with three other women from there and we now even hang out outside of work.
ReplyDeleteIt can be tricky...in my 20s and 30s I would jump right into a "relationship" then I find out my new bff is a scary bully woman who needs to control everyone in her world. Now I am cautious and keep peeps at a distance until I really know them. Not sure that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteIt's the fear of being judged, not accepted or rejected that keep us from venturing out and making new friends. We're scared of the outcome - good or bad. It's that same fear that keeps us from learning life lessons or on the other hand, making some awesome friends.
ReplyDeleteLove the picture of the three girls! So much fun :)
I agree 100% with everything you're saying. When I was younger, I had tons of friends. I'd see a girl my age at the beach and 5 minutes later we were attached at the hip! Now, I've moved to a new city, over a year has gone by and I still don't have any close friends. It's so difficult.
ReplyDeleteNot only is it hard just to MEET other women my age who I have a lot in common with, but when I do, I get slightly intimidated. Finding a new, solid group of girl friends seems near impossible sometimes!
i can really relate. i've been toying with moving to a new city-just for some change. but im so scared because how do you make new friends. i live right next to all my childhood bff's. it's scary to change that. i love this post. it rings so true to me. thanks
ReplyDeleteAwww, Dana. I totally relate to this, and it has been my vice pretty much my whole life, but especially in high school and college and yes, AGAIN, now that I'm all grown up but recently moved to a new city.
ReplyDeleteI wish making real-life friends was easier, too. Sadly, the ONLY friends I've made in Austin so far (which is really only one person--the others I met were just here on vacay or something) I met through BLOGGING!!
There are so many wonderful girls I've met online (like YOU!) who I just KNOW I would be wonderful friends with in real life... if only we lived closer!
This was beautifully written, by the way. :)
So nice to read this and know I'm not alone. I had a great group of friends when I moved across the country to the west coast, but we were all actors and so everyone is now dispersed around the world.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of the only people who stayed in San Francisco, and I have been trying to find a solid group of friends ever since. Going back to school to get my Masters helped me meet some wonderful people ... So I think taking classes, of any sort, would be my recommendation. <3
Hi Dana! I just discovered your blog, I'm following now!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that this was the first post I read on your blog. I have been going through a bit of this myself. Two of my good friends have moved away recently and I realize how hard it is to find a real, true good friend.
I have 3 little girls so a lot of the time, it's meeting other moms that has helped me find one or two that I really connect with.
I think also joining a dance class or anything that interests you really helps. I joined a running class when I trained for a marathon and met lots of people that way. Potential bffs?! Maybe!
Love your blog!!
duuude! just read your "hang in my hood" post! you're so close from me is crazy (i'm in Mississauga...)! we spend our prom in Wasaga beach... what a vacation that was!
ReplyDeletegreat blog by the way!
= )
Jello
Super cute blog! I love these pictures and this post! (:
ReplyDeleteWell said, it's tough making new friends. I prefer to have a smaller, yet closer circle of friends.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE meeting new people, I say, you can never have enough friends! A true friend is someone you can pick up with right where you left off, even if TIME has gone by! BTW, Your tutorial is up on my blog, if you want to send your readers over:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Dana!!
I am always open to making new friends. You're right I have found that adults dont go out of their way to make time for their friends anymore. They dont even make time to make new friends. Its sad. But like you and I there are people out there longing for girl time and fun with friends.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your sweet comment on my guest post. Have a great day
this is the story of my life... i cant help wondering too, why cant adults make new friends just like when we were kids?
ReplyDeletemost people are materialistic i guess, well at least those around me. It totally annoys me how my close friends have become ego and all they talk about is what FAMOUS BRAND STUFFS they've bought. i remembered back then we used to be pure and didnt think about fame...
i cant do anything though - people change, the world changes, friendship changes.
now we're going on our own way after high school. we havent contacted each other for a loooooong time. i didnt desire to keep this friendship either.. perhaps i will meet better friends in the future. who knows..
the world is just so cruel :(
Sydsense
My husband and I recently moved to New Mexico (where we have little friends and family), so this post is something I have actually been thinking a lot about! I have made a couple of friends but its just not the same as the friends I had in college. I think a lot has to do with just getting older, having kids, and different priorities. Plus, when your married (with kids) its hard to find good friends because the husbands have to like each other, or your kids have to be the same age...or its just hard to schedule a hang-out time.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this post!
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I just found your blog through hearthandmadeuk.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I am going through something very similar! and I have the same thoughts and hesitations that you do. I live quite a distance from my once close friends...now we've become mostly FB friends :(.
I moved to a new [small] town two years ago and have not made any new close friends yet. Due to my husbands grand social skills we have gotten to know some of our neighbors but that's about it.
I long for friends you can easily hang out with (the type of friends you describe) but like you said everyone is so caught up in their own lives it's hard to make time for friends (i admit I am guilty of this too)
I wish you the best of luck!
Dana, i loved this article. you've written it brilliantly lades! we are inevitably who we surround ourselves with and the friendship theme behind this plays into every person we know...even including our family.
ReplyDeleteit's always seemed to me to be a sort of organic experience, things just kinda vibed or they didn't with the folks i've met and then when it's turned into friendship it certainly is something i treasure.
long distance ones are way more work though, i've gone through that as well. communication is no. 1 - what would we do without em'! so good, great read this morning, thanks! xo ♥
a lovely rambling. enjoyed reading this post and the cute photos added somethin special. great blog dearie!! <3 rubygirlblog.com
ReplyDeleteWhat a dear sweet post! I couldn't agree with your sentiments......
ReplyDeleteI can relate completely and wholly. I graduated college three months ago, and moved to a new city where I don't know anyone. It has not been easy finding people with my interests. I plan to volunteer, and try out new things solo, and hopefully meet people that way. But it is very intimidating. Not many people want to open up their group of friends or even themselves to you. I also was recently hit with a tragedy, losing my best friend, and now I feel like I am back to square one. It takes a long time to build a relationship to that status. I hope that one day soon I can get back out there and meet some awesome people!
ReplyDeleteThis post made me feel so much better about my current situation! It feels good to know I am not the only person out there who feels like this. I recently graduated college & what a culture shock it was being away from all my girlfriends in a new city with no friends. I was in a sorority & used to having at least 1 girl around me at all times! I just found your blog & already love it!!! :) And am your newest follower!! Love it & happy Friday!! Can't wait to keep reading!
ReplyDelete~Nicole
http://swalskimoves.blogspot.com
I love this post and it was really interesting to not only read but to discover someone in the same boat as me. Also because of this post I have a question to ask you...do you want to be friends? :)
ReplyDelete