Sales weren't crazy at all, but steady throughout the day. I was able to stay organized and get everything ready for shipping as the day went on. I'm excited to see what today holds during the member/everyone sale! If you haven't joined Heartsy yet, do it!!
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Now onto Part 2 of this blog post. I hate to bring the happy vibe down, but there's been something on my mind and I thought that maybe writing it down would make me feel better.
I've been stuck in this never ending spiral of negativity with some people close to me and I don't know how to get out of it. I don't even completely know why it exists. I feel like I'm being judged every time we have a conversation. Scratch that. I know I'm being judged. I know that no matter what I say to them, it will be taken out of context. So I am quiet. I stopped being involved with their lives. I stopped inviting them over... because really, how many invites can you hand out only to have then rejected? The funny thing is, now I am the bad person for not reaching out. Of course.
These people... my family... have such a dislike towards me for reasons that don't even make sense or matter. We used to be happy, we used to be there for each other. They've conceived these situations in their own minds that they believe to be true, all the while not knowing the truth. I never did anything wrong. Everything I've ever done has been with good intentions... but how do you force a blind person to see that -- when in their minds I've apparently had malicious ones. It's so backwards. Such a wall has been put up between us that never existed before, all because one person takes things out of context, fabricates an idea of what actually happened, and is far too sensitive.
When asked what caused this wall to be built in the first place, they bring up a situation from 4 years ago... FOUR YEARS ago... that I had honestly forgotten about because it was so insignificant. Myself and one of them had mistakenly purchased the same type of Christmas gift for the other. Apparently I had done this intentionally, even though it was on the list of things to get for this person, which was given directly to me by the one I apparently copied. Yes friends, this is how the root of all of our problems stems. It really is as pathetic as it sounds. Like I said, I had completely forgotten about this incident (if you can even call it that) until I was made aware that this is the reason for the ongoing negativity. Seriously..?!
Since then, I've apparently upset them in many ways. I can't even tell you what I've "done wrong" because I honestly don't know. Whenever I do anything, they get offended in one way or another. No one can ever do anything right, or say anything right. If you don't try to word things in a way that would be accepted by them, you've hurt them somehow.
What causes people to be like this? So trapped inside their own little bubble and so oblivious to the fact that the world was not created to please them. How do you make them realize that nobody is out to intentionally hurt them, and that everything they think they know has all been formulated in their own minds?
How do you even attempt to talk to someone about feeling this way when you already know that the outcome will result in one of them feeling 'hurt'... because, of course it's always about how they feel in the end..... ...
Until next time,
Dana
Ugh...I am luck that I don't have to dealwith this directly...but my mother's sisters are all like this. Once gets mad about something that doens't even matter, blows it up and stays mad...all the while using it as the jump off to get mad about any little perceived slight from then on. So sad. I hope it gets better.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear about heartsy, we are currently waiting to work out our deal and I am interested to see how its going for others!
for a moment there I thought you were talking about MY family relations... I have this very same thing going on in my family. I am always the wrong one, the one who doesn't do enough or when I do try to help/ participate, the one who needs to butt out...I am the ungrateful one, the uncaring one, the one who is never there when I am needed (although I'm not sure when I'm needed because it seems they all have everything figured out and I am just an outsider looking in, the one who needs to accept everyone else just as they are and change the way *I* feel about their attitudes and actions because THEY are doing right and I am always seeing it wrong...It's not easy...the ones closest to you WILL be the ones who hurt you the most.
ReplyDeleteI have found that what helps ME have peace is to forgive THEM. No matter how often I have to do it. Does that change how they act? No...but it DOES break the bond their negativity has over me. By forgiving them, I am acknowledging that THEY have wronged me (not the other way around) and that their actions will no longer control how I react to what they do. I wish to no end that I could just have the type of relationship I NEED to have with my family, but reality tells me that this is not going to happen and that to forgive them and to accept what I can not change brings more peace than you can imagine.
If you ever need to talk, I'm on FB (Jennifer L Nilsson)..message me..HUGS xoxox
Hopefully sharing your feelings, thoughts, etc. helped clear your mind a little. Hopefully your family that shares their dislike reads this! Just remember life is short and you only live once ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. It sounds like one of those things that you have to keep being you, and keep moving forward even if that angers them more. Don't fall into the downward spiral of negativity. It's not healthy. Stay positive. Stay happy, and HOPEFULLY time will heal some wounds (even the unintentional/irrational ones).
ReplyDeletehmmm. sounds like you need a dose of freedom from these people- you know what helps me when stuck in a negative thought cycle (abut myself or others): I PRAY FOR THEM. i thank god for them- for stretching my patience, for stretching my ability to love them unconditionally. I ask that god would resolve it for me- please abba father, take these thoughts away from me. heal my heart. heal their heart. help me move on. lord, would you put others in my life that could encourage me? and also- I find when I encourage others even when i feel like i hav enothing more to give anyone else- it comes back to me. sow your need, even tho that makes no sense. sow seeds into others heart- love, patience, an open ear to others pain- you are not alone. i have dealt with some serious issues of self-loathing. visit me sometime- and be encouraged. i will be praying for you if that is alright-- -Jess
ReplyDelete:( I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sux doesn't it? Its like having to walk on eggshells around people that can be really stressful. And that stress will only build up and build up when we try to figure it out. It hurts when its family. I don't know what to say, it's never easy, I guess the best thing would be to cut out the negativity, phsyical and emotional cut those ties that bind. Maybe not forever but its not going to help you to put yourself through that treatment. After awhile it's going to have a physical effect on you, I am speaking from experience. Remember its you first.It is a silly reason for the troubles that you are going through...so stick with that and move on as best you can. I don't know if you have faith or are a faithful person but I agree withthe above post. Pray for them....hey it might not happen overnight but a nice side effect of prayers like that is that they make ME feel better too.....Take care Dana.....Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.
ReplyDeleteI thought you were talking about "MY" family! This makes me feel better. Not that you are having troubles, (Sorry about that) but I guess it's normal. Especially for the one in the family who is successful, ambitious and confident? I've always had to be really careful with part of my family and some friends. I have to walk on eggshells around them. So exhausting. It does help, the advice about forgiving them. Feels good and lifts the weight off my shoulders. Good luck and you're are amazing. I love everything you do. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI have similar problems going on here. It goes to the point that I broke with almost all of my "friends". I don't know why people are so negative and so strange.
ReplyDeleteI am truly sorry that you and your family are having problems like this. It is sad.
I hope you guys will be able to sort it out and that all will be well. keep your head up girl and try not to let it get you down!
xoxoxo
Melanie
I have this exact same thing going on with my family. Its actually my husbands family. I wish that things were different and we could go back to the way it was. They just worried about their needs and wants and nothing about your own.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that the people that should be for you here the most, are the ones that are acting like this. I believe they would rather have a relationship with someone that is not part of the family, because they don't know all of their faults.
I didn't know you were on Heartsy! I would buy one if you still had that pink doe I wanted so badly lol.
ReplyDeleteOh. My. I had to stop my movie just so I could pay better attention to your post. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Needless to say, I no longer have any kind of relationship with my fathers family. If I find your email or if you send it to me, I'll write you some more about it! Just know that you can't change crazy and you'll be much happier without them (If things don't change like they should.) Hope everything works out, my friend!
Lauralee
P.S. I really enjoyed reading your comments...again, it seems like I'm not the only one that has dealt with this! ;)
ReplyDeleteAs much as it sucks, sometimes you just have to realize that in life you will encounter self actualized people who are rational and understand the affect they have on others while other times, you come across closed off people who live in their own world and don't realize that THEY are being the mean ones. So try and forgive them for more than likely, not even realizing the affect they are having on you. It's especially hard when this stuff involves family though :( I feel your pain and I hope you guys can salvage your relationship and move past the hardships!!
ReplyDeleteA Sweet Release
I'm so happy for you that Heartsy has been successful! And big hugs to you on dealing with a toxic relationship. It takes guts to remove that kind of negativity from your life, and it sounds like you're ready to move on. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that I got your Heartsy deal and so glad it went well for you!
ReplyDeleteIt's really sad that families can upset each other like this, and unfortunately it's usually families that have the ability to cause so much hurt.
Having said that, I'm quite "hard-faced" and would be tempted to cut all ties with anyone who made me feel this bad. I would speak to the individual(s) along first, making it clear that for your own and their well-being you can't continue this way and if there's no interest in a resolution, then at least you've tried your best to work it out.
I don't have this problem in my family but I have "broken-up" with friends in the past. Any bad relationship is bad for your soul and life is too short to waste worrying about other people's issues.
Hope that helps! :)
Dana, i'm on my catching up stroll through your beautiful space and when i read this my whole body just vibrated with empathy. you are a stunning writer and it's such a healthy thing to do in order to sort these kinds of swirly thoughts out. good for you!
ReplyDeleteplease don't let anyone yuck your yums or dampen your firecracker spirit. red flag right there lades, woah! when you're around people that cause you to alter your own natural state of being it only goes downhill. i can't believe this all started from Christmas time gift. that's bloody awful, i'm so sorry you've been put through a ringer so fierce it's squished you up only to spit you back out the other end. where's the sense? where's the family bond and compassion, not to mention unconditional love??
sorry to rant love but this post touches me more than you know. i'm going through a VERY similar circumstance with my bro & sis. it's only Mom who is there for me now. it got really bad back in June when Mom had to get rushed to emergency and i wasn't even called by either of them till 2 hours had passed. almost LOST it! after things settled i wrote them an email, very business and fair like asking to please be kept up on any health concerns right away. i was blasted back with a horrific email from my brother, it was one of the ugliest things i've ever read. my sister is more passive aggressive so she just kinda removes herself and blames me for not holding out the olive branch. which i've tried to do over and over but have now given up. breaking up with your family is one of the toughest things imaginable, i'm beyond sorry for this happening to you and wish you many blessings that one day they will see the light and finally come to know who you are without passing unjust judgments. you are not alone Dana, i feel for you and think it's amazing you have expressed it all with grace, dignity and inner strength. xoox ♥