Wedding Blues

It's a fact that I have now been engaged for two years as of this Christmas. While I am dying to be married to my best friend in the entire world, thoughts of a wedding always seem to bum me out. It has nothing to do with the fact that I will be committing to my love for life... actually that is the part I am looking forward to, obviously! I cannot wait to be Mrs. Fox, officially. It's just the actual wedding idea that I can't seem to get excited about.

While I would love a special wedding day and pictures to look through and remember, I really never dreamed of a perfect wedding when I was growing up, and I don't know how to satisfy both feelings. I am a simple girl, and I don't need a big celebration. I don't want to start planning a special day so far in advance. I would rather spend the money on fixing up our house than blow it all on a dress, party and food. Even still, it would be nice, wouldn't it? 

My family is small. I've lost some key members throughout the years and there are less than a handful of them left that would actually attend.  My fiance's all live in the states or overseas and I almost feel as though it would be inconveniencing them to come up.  Nevermind the fact that I've only met two of them.  

Our friends aren't around anymore. They've either moved away to different parts of the world or just don't care enough to have relationships with us anymore. I haven't seen most of my closest friends in what seems like forever, and I question whether or not we even are friends anymore a lot of the time. How long do you need to go without seeing or speaking to someone before you realize they just aren't a true friend? No friends equals no bridesmaids, no support.

I have no one to walk me down the aisle.  

While all of this shouldn't matter, it still hurts to think about. I know that looking into the eyes of my mister on that day should be enough and nothing else should cross my mind. I just can't help thinking about everyone I've lost when I think about the most important day of my life. A day they should have been there for.

Eloping is looking more and more attractive.

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  1. An ideal wedding is what's ideal to you. I've seen plenty of happy brides walking alone (by choice) down the aisle. Don't get so caught up in the wedding clichés that you completely miss out on your kind of celebration. It's going to be amazing!!!!!

  2. I never wanted a wedding, a dress, a ring either and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Our wedding was the best day of my life and one that I will always remember as pure bliss. We got married the two of us alone, with just 4 friends as witnesses, in Florence, Italy in a civil wedding (then again, the Civil Registry is in none other than Palazzo Vecchio). After the ceremony we walked to the Arno, crossed Ponte Vecchio and walked into a cute restaurant overlooking the river, where we all had lunch. It was perfect for us. Don't feel like you have to do something you don't want or spend money you would rather spend in something else. Do it your way, make it your own. Good luck!

  3. I can relate to your situation, except I had someone to walk me down the aisle that I didn't even want to walk me down. Family situations are tough. But you know what? Now that I've been married for over 3 years, I've realized how unimportant the actual wedding day really is compared to the big picture. You make an awesome commitment to the one you love, and that is much more important than the flowers, the cake, the dress, and even the attendees. I say if you want to elope, do it! If you feel God wants you to get married now, then do it. He has plans for you to start your own family and write a new chapter to your life. :)

  4. My wedding was small.. probably about 40 people. It wasn't large like what everyone else likes tp to do. I wouldn't even know who I would invite if I was going to have a wedding of 300. We have a small group of friends, and that's who we invited. A lot of people couldn't come. It made me upset, because it seemed that it wasn't important enough. I don't know. My hubby's family is really small. My family is larger, but I didn't invite any of them except my mom and aunt. I walked myself down the aisle, and was happy with that choice. Our wedding was traditional, cookie cutter or whatever. We just wanted to infuse our personalities into as much as possible. It's your day, make it what you want, no matter what anyone else thinks. Also, when I was growing up, I never dreamed of my wedding or anything.

  5. You should have a blogger wedding. :) you'd have tons of bridesmaids that way. Haha! Jk. :) but that's totally understandable. A small wedding w just your closest friends, family that can make it, a pretty dress, yummy cake, and beautiful pictures is all you need. :) you could even do it in your back yard!

  6. I went through the exact same thing. No big wedding dreams growing up, little friends and family, and the idea of walking down the isle without my father (who passed away when I was young) sort of crushed it all for me in general. After a three year engagement we finally had a smallish ceremony and reception. I didn't spend boat loads of money either. In the end, I loved our wedding but sometimes I still wish we had just taken off and eloped too. I suppose I would have wished for a bigger wedding if we had though.

  7. elope, or have a really small wedding with just a few family members and really close friends! you don't have to do any kind of huge wedding celebration if you don't want to. plus it will save u money and you can go on an amazing honeymoon!


  8. Sending a hug your way! When you think about a wedding it's tough deciding what to do for yourself, what to do to create good memories, and what to do for your family. I've been thinking about it all recently too. It’ll be hard, but you have to make sure whatever you do makes you and your boy happy (whatever that might be, even an elopement) :)

  9. Lovely lady, it's YOUR wedding. You must do what is in YOUR heart. This isn't for anyone, but you two. Jen and I wanted to get married and only a month after I moved out here, we did.

    I bought a dress I liked, which was from Sears I believe and from the prom rack. (It was black with a cream sash around the bust, so pretty!) We picked a chapel in Las Vegas' The Excalibur and we honeymooned there as well.

    The cost was small, the love was and is huge. It was just her and I and her parents. There is no need for a big celebration - what matters the most is that you two are enjoying your lives together.

  10. My husband and I invited the people who had seen us grow as people and as a couple. We had a smaller morning wedding with an afternoon tea, and it was all over by 6pm. You can do whatever you want for your wedding. It's your day, and that's the beauty of it :)

  11. My hubby and I got married in the courthouse and in a year or two when we are ready we will plan a wedding. But for now I am 100% happy being married with no official wedding :) Its about what makes you happy and feel good. You have a lifetime to have a wedding!

  12. The perfect solution, a courthouse wedding. In this post from The Knotty Bride, they show images of the perfect intimate courthouse wedding. Just the bride and groom, the officiant, and it's so elegant. She still wore a pretty dress, he wore a suit, they were in wedded bliss. Just without all the people and glitz and glamour.

  13. Go simple girl! Elope if that what sounds good and just have a photographer take photos :) spend the money on a fun trip or something you two will enjoy!

  14. i agree with some of the other comments...go simple and do whats you. have a backyard picnic, go on a vacay, go to vegas, go to city hall...the where and how don't matter...its whats happening that does.

    All that being said - nail the vlog thing and virtual blog wedding? just sayin'...it would be groundbreaking. bloggy bridesmaids!

  15. i'm just going to email you instead of write a novel-long comment to this because i relate to this post in more ways than one. :) be ready for it, friend. ;)

  16. When I got married I cared very little about all the details. My husband actually cared more than me and was a little groom-zilla-ish. But, we had fun. It was a great party. I can see why you don't want to spend the money and I don't blame you. It can be so ridiculous. I say elope...plan a dream trip and get married!

  17. This was very honest. I'm so sorry that you have had such loses but, in the end, it should still be a day of happiness. If eloping is something that will make you both happy, then it should be what you do. Weddings today can be showy and prominent ... and that may not be what you want. If a small thing, a very small thing, is what will be memorable to you, then do it. You can always look back and smile with fond memories. You'll know that you saved money for greater things that happen in life. And remember, it's so much more about the marriage than the wedding.

  18. i think an elopement or just a very small and intimate wedding is the best way to go! i know that planning the wedding and everything leading up to the very day can be very stressful, but once you are finally married and you are going through the actions, i promise you, it is all worth it. you want the day to be full of love, happiness, and respect for one another. the perfect day will come soon enough!
    xo TJ

  19. I think that your wedding should be your own. What I mean by this is that you have to own it, and it has to be "you." Growing up there were so many expectations for me and what my wedding would be like, including expectations for a groom that didn't even exist yet. It created so much pressure for me because it wasn't what I would want. So now I've let go of those expectations and try to imagine my most perfect day and go from there.

    I want my wedding to be MINE. I don't want it to fall short because I was too busy trying to please everyone else's expectations. It's my day to celebrate my relationship and love and I will do it however I see fit.

  20. I've seen people get stressed out about pleasing others when it comes to planning their wedding. But it's all about you and him! Do what feels right and what makes the two of you happy.

    Don't worry about others. It's YOUR day!

  21. Hugs friend!!! I know exactly how you feel about not having key people there...every time something big happens, my heart aches for my Mom. I miss her so much!

  22. I love weddings...I'm a wedding planner...but when I think about mine I'd like it would be rich of great emotions and nothing else!
    I'd like to share that day only with people I really love and obviously with my beloved, Damiano!
    I don't need a special ring, but only his special smile, a simple white dress and lots of love! ;)

  23. My husband and I looked into going to BC to elope (check out http://www.wickinn.com/promotions.html#IDoElopementPackage - scroll down to the "I Do" Elopement Package, they do everything!). We ended up going the "traditional" route and I've always regretted it. Do what's right for YOU TWO and don't worry about anyone else. It's YOUR day... no one elses...

  24. Awww, sweetie, you should do what feels right for you and your fiance. If that means eloping, then do it. If you want a very simple, small wedding, then do it. There is no wrong way to pledge your life and love to your best friend. The point is to cherish that love forever and to be faithful. That is all.

  25. Go for it honey! If eloping is what feels right for you, then do it. Don't be pressured by society to have a big wedding bash!

  26. You should at least have a small wedding. You might regret it if not. Me and my husband ran away to Vegas without any family or friends... we didn't even tell anyone. 6 1/2 years later I kind of regret missing out on the dress, the photos, just the whole day.

  27. Big fat hugs! You need to do what feels right. The day is about you and your hubby to be - and what makes you both the happiest. Planning a wedding is stressful, and I know in my case brought up some strong emotions and even...sadness. You plan your day around what you want and no matter what you decide it will be a beautiful day!

  28. I once went to a wedding with only four guests and it was just as lovely as some of the extravaganza weddings I've been to.

    But I realise this isn't just about designing a perfect day. I'm not planning a wedding, but I already know some of the people I would miss having at mine and some of the people I would feel obliged to invite but wouldn't want to and so on... ultimately, I think my boyfriend and I would only have about forty guests - just the people who would genuinely be celebrating that we were together.

    I hope you figure out a way which works for you, be that eloping or not.

  29. Love this post! Thank you for sharing it with us!! It is difficult to be engaged for so long and also not know how you want that "day" to be. But I will tell you I originally wanted a huge 200+ person wedding with the whole princess theme lol and we ended up in Vegas with about 40 people and it was perfect!! I would not have changed a single moment! So just know what you decide on will be perfect for you and I hope you enjoy your special day!!
    -Meesh :)

  30. aw, weddings are hard when you've lost someone. my best friends got married feeling much the same way you do (she had lost her mother and he his father around a year before) a couple years ago, and they ended up renting out a very small inn in Banff and having only 11 guests and we all spent the weekend up there, the inn did much of the planning, and made the food, and she still got a few of the accoutrements of a bigger wedding (dress, bouquet, beautiful mountainside setting for gorgeous photos) and it was honestly the most fun wedding I've ever been to, as you actually got to spend time with the couple and the people who are most important to them.

    just do what makes you happy :) my mom always makes a point of saying that she's not even sure where her wedding pictures are, but she always knows where her husband is, and that's what's important.

  31. There is something to be said for a small intimate wedding. I've had the big wedding everyone "thinks" they want. That marriage didn't work out. I had a small wedding the second time around. Small and simple trumps big any day. In the end it's about spending your life with the person you love, not the party.

  32. As a recent bride of a large wedding I have some advice for you. I had to do it again, it would definitely be smaller and more intimate. Also, don't do anything you don't want to do just to make someone else happy. As long as you and your groom are happy, that's all that matters. It's a day to celebrate the two of you, in all honesty no one else really matters. And don't blow tons of money on things that really aren't important in the end. I made all of these mistakes and regret every one of them.

    I know it's hard to think of the people who you've lost that you would love more than anything to be there. You can light a memory candle for them, and I'm sure they will all be there in spirit.

    I know that whatever you choose, your day will be beautiful! XO

  33. Don't ever feel under pressure to have a big white wedding just to impress anyone else, because in the end, it's your day. So many people dream of the huge wedding (I must admit that I'm one of them), but others are perfectly content to have only a couple of witnesses. If I was in your situation, I would settle on a small wedding with a couple of witnesses instead of inviting people that I knew wouldn't come, I'm sure I would feel rejected and tormented when they declined, even if I knew that they would. I hope and pray that you make a decision that you know you will truly be happy with. A wedding is about making the commitment to spend the rest of your life with one person, not about pleasing anyone else. It's a huge day and event in life, and it should be done your way :)

    All the best,
    Claire xo

  34. I'll be your friend! (seriously)! :) feeling alone is one of the worst feelings ever. I can understand how you may feel you are missing out w/o certain.important people in your life to take part in the BIG day, but like you said, the wedding is about you and your fiance! do what you want and be happy :) You have all of us blogger friends to cheer you on all in the name of love!

    my personal blog is a bit out of date, but it's the new year and im co-authoring a new blog as well, so busy busy haha.



  35. Dana,

    Do what is in your heart. I can relate to your situation - I lost my dad suddenly one month before our wedding. It absolutely SUCKS and it still does. His best friend from elementary school walked me down the aisle.

    We did have the big wedding, but it seems so insignificant now. It didn't change and CERTAINLY was not a reflection of mine and my husband's love for one another. Trust your gut - channel Carrie from Sex and the City and opt for a small little civil ceremony.

    Don't let fear keep you from marrying your love though - fear will eventually rob you of everything you have ever wanted out of life.


  36. elope then! i could see you doing that. it'd be so sweet and romantic and perfect.

  37. ahhh i wish you could've seen my face the whole time i was reading your post. when me and kevin decided to get married, we truly wanted to be married, without any doubt or hesitations. our doubt came up when it came to a wedding. its just felt like a heavy thing that we didn't really want...so we didn't do it. it may have upset certain people but we were happy with it and it was our time together. it was just us when we got married and there is something intimate about the memories of that day and time being something only we know of or experienced. a year and half later i wouldn't change it for the world. i always had my dream man in mind, not a dream wedding... was blessed with the man so my heart was content. plus logistically we wanted to use the money for a house/start a business. all that matter it what is important to you guys. whatever you want it to be, will be perfect and beautiful. being married is the best part :) xoxo

  38. i have never been married.
    im still young.
    but all of my siblings (5) have gotten married and ive been to numerous weddings.
    it's okay to be different :)
    that's how i look at it!
    think of all the things that make you happy and make THAT the focus on your wedding day!
    keep your chin up.

  39. I felt the exact same way. For some reasons similar to yours and some different. I was overwhelmed at the details of a wedding, the cost of it, the fact that my mom wasn't close and I had no good female friends to help me or be excited with me. We ended up getting married in a courthouse on somewhat of a whim after a year of engagement. Looking back, it was awesome. No stress, no money. Just my husband and me. Some family was mad, but a lot were supportive. Good luck in figuring out the right thing! It'll all work out.

  40. @Chel*z

    thank you for this! i have been considering doing something like this as well and totally appreciate you saying it was the most fun wedding you've been to :)

  41. I felt the same. In the end we had a very small ceremony and dinner. 20ppl there, and it was the best thing i could have ever done. Nothing too splashy...nothing too big. Intimate. Just about the two of us. We got hated on by other ppl...but they For over it, and I'm happy. The only thing I would recommend is to get a good photographer...for the memories.

  42. So glad to see you liked Chel*z idea cause I was gonna post on here that I thought her post sounded ah-mazing!!

    You have friends...we feel like your friends. We have hurt for you on a post or two. Laughed hilariously at several posts. Been inspired to be better, craftier, sweeter, etc. Isn't that what friends do? You are never alone!

    Trust me...we would all love to attend physically but hey...technolgy is a wonderful thing so v-cast it!! That would be wonderful!

    What ever you decide...it will be right. Don't over analyze and get paralyzed! :-)


  43. lovie, i'm feeling closer and closer to you the more i read and catch up on. now i just want to fly on over there and give you a huge hug-it! this also reminds me of how often i get to visit special girls like you, it's not as much as i'd ideally like but man when i get a night like this i'm here to soak it all in.

    the deep shares you write about are seeming to be the ones i'm gravitating towards, hummm, must mean something?! all i can say here is wait till you feel confident you will feel okay with how you'd wed.

    i've been married twice before. once when i was only 19 and it was a BIG wedding, barely remember it other than my face hurt SO much from forcing a smile the whole day. the 2nd was when i was 34 and it was only 33 people. i did like that one better but really don't see anyone who was there apart from my Mom & 1 best friend. if Sean & i ever married (which isn't on our minds, we're happy where we are) we'd elope for sure.

    something that bf from my wedding and awesome life guide told me once on a very pivotal birthday, when i was down beyond belief was this. make it all about YOU! it is YOUR day, plan it the exact way YOU want and invite who YOU want. if that's 2 other people than so be it. make it a week long affair and spread out the goodness. i took it to heart and had the best birthday week i'd ever had.

    i was in control, i made all the decisions and coordinated a few different events with various people, including of course Sean. so here's the thing, i KNOW you like to be in control of the sitch, whatever you two end up doing. make it YOURS by creating YOUR happy place. the safest, most warm environment you can imagine.

    life sometimes can't give you the things you desire, i'm estranged now from both my bro and sis. they'll probably never be there for me again. my Dad has passed away. i can see you're touched by the missing people you'd like to be there but once you let your lost ones go i think then you'll have a clearer vision of what this day will look like in a way that makes you smile from the inside out. xo ♥

  44. This brought me to tears for you. I wish your wedding will be everything you want, somehow, someway.

    I can connect with the fact that your wedding will be "non-traditional." Thomas and I already have a 2 year old son and we are planning to be married on May 27. I'm wearing my Mom's dress, and altering it to suit my style. Our photographer is our friends, our dj is our iPod with a 5 hour shuffle ::raise your hand if you hate the hokey pokey:: His mom is a bitchin' florist, and to spare the choice between my Father or Step-father giving me away, I chose my Grandpa :) We plan to go out after the wedding and just run around celebrating. I think we'll spend our wedding night in our apartment with our family.
    I really am so excited.. though I'll certainly be counting down until our honeymoon *ha*

    In the end it's about committing to who you love, but along the way you want to enjoy the ride. I just know it'll work out for you; just from my short time browsing it looks like you have a great support system to get you going :)

    Looking forward to your planning!!

  45. Hi lady! I am fairly new to reading your blog. The wedding blues are no fun. I hope you don't have them anymore. I walked myself down the aisle. I just finished posting about my wedding this week over at my blog. I only have a three friends that I am close to. Its hard as you get older to keep good strong friendships. My family is super small too. So I shared some of your same concerns. But I am so happy with how my wedding turned out. Whatever you do, you will be happy to. =)

  46. I was in almost the exact same situation. But in my case I decided to satisfy my heart rather than my pocketbook. I'ts true, it's only a day, but you'll only get married ONCE in your life, if you're like me. Dispite the spending, after it was all said and done, I felt dissipointed... What I should have done, was have it where my husband was from. It would have been easier, harder to grasp, but there would have been more support there.
    When it's all said and done, the pictures really ARE worth it. But have it at a house, a garden, ect. you can use blankets instead of chairs. You can do finger-foods instead of a sit-down-dinner. Dinners can be awkward anyway. Find a vintage dress, or a used one. You can still have the wedding of your dreams, and not spend an arm and a leg. DIY is the way to go. Most Brides are doing everything handmade, money or not. Cheers! Wedding or not, at the end of they day you'll be married to your best friend, and nothing else matters.


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