take me to another world

jacket: mike & chris; top: wildfox; leggings: c/o romwe; booties: blowfish
nails: OPI tomorrow never dies and the man with the golden gun 18k gold topcoat

Lately I've been doing ok. A few of you have recently asked about my progress on the anxiety front, and I'd be lying if I said I was totally better. It's really not something I talk about often, but I did promise to keep updates in case it could benefit others. I feel like this year has been the worst for me yet. I've missed events. I feel like I have missed out on what could have been an amazing summer. I have had really bad days where I have tried my best and failed and ended up in a pile of tears. I have also had good days where I feel really accomplished and proud for conquering a situation. To "conquer" such a normal, every day situation sounds silly to those that cannot understand, I know. But when your thoughts are on overdrive and your body is trying to tell you that you are in danger pretty much all the time when you really aren't, every step towards doing something "normal" is like walking into a pit full of your worst fears. Just imagine what that does to your body. Adrenaline pumps through you, you sweat, your stomach is in knots, and you feel like something bad is about to happen. Noticing these sudden scary changes in your body just makes you panic more because you feel something isn't right. It's a vicious cycle.

This past weekend was  tough, but I got through it. I knew that visiting my newborn nephew was important and I was dying to go see him. Forcing my body and mind to get me there and be ok with the situation was an internal battle (with a panic attack along the way), but I'm happy to say that I made it through... and looking back now, it wasn't that bad. It's never that bad. To convince myself of this ahead of time is what I'm working on.

I popped on over to Zoe's blog last night and read her update on her own issues, as well as her past post about exactly what anxiety is, in case you wanted a more in depth explanation... because it's pretty much what I face on a daily basis.

I've been working on this book. It's sort of like a work book where each chapter is a session and you work on retraining your mind. It's been excellent so far, and would even be a good read for someone who is just curious about panic, or has a family member or friend with these issues.

So here I am, still trying to overcome this, but learning some valuable tricks and knowledge along the way. I'll get there eventually. I don't expect it to be an overnight success considering the length of time I've been dealing with this. Sometimes I think it would just be better to get amnesia so my brain is completely wiped out... but that sounds to easy doesn't it? Where is the challenge in that? ;)

p.s. check out all of the universe print leggings available at Romwe here. You can take $5 off orders of $60+ with code leggin5 too!