9.1.13



Rejecting negativity.

The other day I mentioned that one of my goals for this year was to reject negativity from my life. This is something I've come to realize needs to be done, and is something that I'm going to focus on greatly.  You might think that negative things happen, and there is no way you can just ignore what goes on in the world... but the actuality of it is you can. It all starts with realizing that everything you perceive.... and I mean everything.... seems the way it is because you believe it to be that way.

Okay, that sounded really confusing. Let me try to explain better. I'll use you as an example. You are the way you are because of your beliefs. You were raised with those beliefs and didn't question anything because as children, we really have no desire or knowledge to question the way we learned about the world. You think the way you do because of how you were raised. As you grow up, your opinions and outlook on life can change, but the whole core of your existence is still tied to those initial beliefs... deep down. The truth is, we've always had the choice to change our beliefs, but we just never knew about it at the time... when we were young and learned our key beliefs about life.

You are who you are because that is who you believe you are. It's who you've decided you are. Read that again until it makes sense. You perceive yourself and the entire world differently than every other person on this planet. Why? Because everybody has their very own beliefs and perceptions about life. YOU as the person you think you are does not even exist in objective reality, but only in your mind. When I realized this recently, I had a real "woah" moment. Everything became a little clearer and this totally made sense to me. It made sense to me because I could think of an exact example of becoming what I believed I was.
If you've been around this place for a little while, you might know about the anxiety issues I've been dealing with. At that moment, when I had my "woah" realization, I remembered the point in my life where things took a turn for the worst. It was shortly after I finally decided to tell friends and family about my panic issues. At the time, I thought I was doing myself and everybody a favour by explaining why I miss events... but now... now I can see that after I admitted to that problem, I became that problem. I became the person with anxiety issues. I became ten times worse. I let it get into my head that I was unable to do certain things because I had a weird mental disorder. I allowed the negative thoughts to enter my mind because "that's what happens" when you have these issues.

From that moment of realization, I decided that I wanted to be the person I want to be. Not the person I've always thought I am. I can change who I am if I believe I am something different. So can you.

Dustin has a friend who consistently posts the most annoying, negative, "poor me" updates on Facebook. This person is always whining and complaining that nothing goes right in her life. Her job sucks, her relationships suck, her health sucks. Guess what? Nothing will ever go right in her life if she keeps perceiving things the way she does. It's a continuous cycle because she hasn't realized that she IS who she believes she is and the way she sees things is her own way of seeing those things. Other people might look at her situations as no big deal, but her? Oh no, she thinks they are the worst things ever... and because of this, she will always think that everything sucks. Perception.

Did you know that our subconscious actually picks up on other people's mental states? If you are around a negative person, the chance is incredibly high that they will somehow end up making you feel those negative vibes too. Have you ever noticed how when you're around a genuinely happy person, you tend to be in a great mood around them too?  When you are in an equal state with other people (mentally), your subconscious picks up on it which results in them treating you as an equal too. It's those people or situations that cause negativity that are no good for you. This is what I've decided to eliminate from my own life.

I decided that when faced with negative people I will try my best to look on the bright side, or if that's not possible, simply walk away.  I decided to ignore or hide all of those negative/bitchy/sad/emo status updates from my friends on Facebook unless I am somehow able to help the situation. I decided not to get involved with opinion sharing and debates about politics or issues happening in the world unless they are for the good.  I decided to stop reading/watching the news and media headlines unless it is about something positive.  I do not need the media to force negative energy down my throat, because that is exactly why they exist. They thrive and profit off of fear.

Some of you may be thinking "but how can you just ignore everything? Wouldn't that just make you ignorant to world issues?" Yes..... So?  How important is it really if you know all of the details about a tragedy that happened to a random person on the other side of the world? I've had to think about this paragraph because I don't want to sound like a dick... but if there is nothing I can personally do to better a situation, help someone, or make somebody feel better somehow, there is no use having a heavy heart about it. There really isn't. There is no point in simply allowing negative thoughts to exist inside of you. Let them go. Focus on the positive. If you can help in some way, that is a huge reinforcement of positivity and an example of turning a negative into a positive.  More than anything, there is nothing more important than your own mental health and well-being. I'm finally seeing the person I believe I can be, and I believe that a world (MY world) without negativity is one that I can thrive in and become a better me. It's what I need right now.

Ignorance is bliss. I finally understand what that means.

46 comments:

  1. I completely agree with everything you said. Have you heard of the law of attraction?

    The problem with negativity is that it can be a little addictive. Whenever something bad happens, people can't stop talking about it or thinking about it - especially on social media platforms like facebook.
    Lucky for us, positive thoughts are way more powerful than negative ones. People just need to step out of the cycle of negativity (which truth be told, is very difficult).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard about it vaguely, it's about how "like attracts like" right?
      I totally agree about the social media aspect of it too. It's hard not to be bombarded with everybody posting about a tragedy. The good thing is, you can choose how you handle it. You can spend your day on Google learning more about it, or you can take it for what it is and move on. :)

      Delete
    2. Yes, basically your thoughts are actual physical things. If you have positive thoughts, positive things will attract to you. If you have negative thoughts, negative things will attract to you. Part of it is also the belief that thoughts can manifest into things.

      Delete
  2. Wonderful post. Loved the last line. The phrase always seems to be such a negative thing, to be ignorant, but I love how you've put a positive spin on it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Best post I've read in a long time. Thanks for turning my negative morning into a positive day. I loved this!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What an amazing post to read. I've suffered with a lot of panic/anxiety issues over the last few years, and you're doing right. I need to learn how to be the person I want to be, not the person I think I am. You've just given me that "woah" moment, so thank you.

    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. The picture is just great! I spent the last days a lot at your blog and your design shop! I'm so inspired. I hope that I just get my things done this year and finally make it to a new super sweet blogdesign. I just have to overcome my html and css fears :D x from Germany

    ReplyDelete
  6. Very motivational. One of my new years resolutions is postive thinking and this helped a lot! Thankyou xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. First, I love the new layout. Second, fantastic post today. I really want to actually let things go.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is such an important concept that many people don't realize. Rejecting negativity is something I've always been good at doing but certain life events over the past few years have really have made it hard to stay the usual course. I think it's important to mention that losing sight of positivity, whether by internal or external forces, is totally okay and happens, but should serve as a motivator, not an inhibitor!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes, yes, and yes! All of this is EXACTLY what my blog is about.

    Actually, it brings this post specifically to mind: http://betweendreamstheblog.blogspot.ca/2012/08/you-create-your-own-universe.html

    I don't, however, think it's ignorance that's bliss. I think it's the choice you make that creates your own bliss. Of course I can sit back and think "this person does it better" "I suck at this" whatever self-sabotage I choose in that moment... but instead I invite happiness and fulfillment into my life. It's not ignoring the bad things, it's seeing them, acknowledging them, ACCEPTING them, and CHOOSING positive thoughts while surrounding myself with incredible people who do the same.

    It's SUCH a work in progress though because sometimes...well, sometimes it's just so damn hard. But arming yourself with the right tools, and shifting your mindset is SUCH an important step to achieving the ultimate goal: happiness, abundance, and fulfillment.

    I've read along while you've posted about some of your issues (which, I'm sure has helped SO many people, and I have been able to fully relate myself) so it's so refreshing to see you get to this point. Seriously, a huge high five to you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great post! And I love your style of writing. You are always really inspirational.
    Carlee
    Almost Endearing

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is a brilliant post! I feel so inspired to unfollow negative and whiny people on twitter as it really just makes me feel even worse about my own problems!
    -Sophie
    http://12tea-cups.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  12. You write very good !

    Lovely blog <3

    Maybe you want to check out mine and follow it ? :)

    likethewayidoit.blogspot.com
    '
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  13. love this post. i live my motto like this - life is what you make it....sounds simple but it can be hard to believe. once you truly believe it, everything falls into place.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I really enjoyed reading this post and its actually very relevant to me right now. Ive spent the best part of 2 weeks worrying about something to the point where I couldnt eat or think about anything else... and its something I knew I would never be able to change as much as I wished I could. Its time for me to accept and move on, its hard but im getting there. x x

    ReplyDelete
  15. It is so important to find a coping skill that works for you. Otherwise, you will get sucked in to anything negative within yourself or around you. My coping skills are venting and exercise. As soon as I do either one of these, I immediately feel better.

    I work in mental health. There is such a negative stigma around it that people immediately try to bury any worries they have with their own mental state. It is so important people embrace and understand what needs to be done to keep healthy. It sounds like you know how important it is to have a coping skill like focusing on the positives. Well done, and I hope other learn from you!

    Please help me decide what charity I should fund for next! Checkout my latest post!

    xoxo Sarah Beth

    Caring Cowls

    ReplyDelete
  16. I face a lot of negativity in my life (I even wrote about it on my blog today!), and I try to not let it get to me, but it still does. I’m a realist, so I say what’s on my mind and how I feel- even if it’s negative. I don’t like being fake positive and don’t think it magically works. However, I totally agree with you on just focusing on other things. Think about the things that ARE good and that you have and others don’t- that’s what always helps me! :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I have a family member who is so back and forth with "everything sucks, my life sucks. everything is great, my life is great". I was the person who tried to help her get through things but there came a point when my husband and best friend were like "she is such a negative part of your life and just wants to bring you down with her". I truely agree with everything you say about you believing in who you are.
    And the whole last part about ignoring the negative, especially if there is nothing you can do about it....so with you on that.
    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I stopped watching news a few years ago and I don't feel left out of the world. You are right, they usually talk about negative stuff and I don't need it in my life. I also steer clear of negative people. It is hard though because my mum is one of them.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't fully agree with what you have said (especially about the news, because...well, that's kinda my thing) but I completely agree that you should take control of the amount of negativity that you let into your life and your heart. You are right, negativity is around, and you are going to come across it. If you can't help, then you have to learn to let it go, because otherwise it festers. I'm currently working on something very similar. I am very political, but I found that not reading the comments on political pieces has helped me relax - a lot! Also, not reading magazines and keeping up to date with celeb doings - it's just so easy for me, personally, to internalise it all, especially negative comparisons. Not reading magazines has been an excellent strategy, and now, it is very rare for me to feel uncomfortable with my body. It's such a delight! Thanks for the post, Dana, insightful as always. Hannah

    ReplyDelete
  20. Absolutely agree with this!! I have done my best to eliminate negative people, thoughts, and things from my life over the past 12 months, and I have felt all the more better for it. Surrounding yourself with happy and positive people makes all the difference in your mood and way of thinking, but also, you create your own positivity too. I endeavor to be thankful everyday about the good things in my life, and that helps me to stay positive. Thanks for sharing this, it actually motivated me even more!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Beautifully put, Dana! I'm glad you've felt this shift and had these realisations...I couldn't agree more with everything you've written. Onward and upward! xo

    ReplyDelete
  22. Amazing post Dana...everything you said makes a lot of sense! Perception really is key to having a happier and healthier life. I'm happy for you and I wish you the best of luck on this new adventure in your life!

    xo,
    Jessika

    jessclassy.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. I really needed this. I literally realized three minutes before reading your post that I love my life but dislike how I am and how I treat/think of others. There was that "whoa" moment too, that I can be somebody else if I want. Add that to my list of goals, to be the person I *want* to be. Thanks, Dana!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi there! Check out my blog for posts on girly things, advice, favorite things and more!

    http://free-lullaby.blogspot.com/

    Thanks,
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  25. You make a million and one great points here. I love when people use their blogs to pour our their thoughts. Great post!

    Followed.

    -Mia @ M i a B e l l a

    ReplyDelete
  26. What a great post Dana and I understand everything you say. In the line of work I do I encounter a lot of negative people and I learned the 'art' of closing myself down, it's a mental exercise which protects mind and body and I do it before I see a client, otherwise I just end up taking onboard all their problems and ills and it was making me feel so awful. I realised I can't change everybody, they are their own person, I can only guide them but the rest is up to them, but I can change myself so that is what I try to do.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I used to turn on the news every morning, as soon as my alarm clock went off, to keep me company as I got ready for school/work. Only over the past two years or so, I realized it was irrelevant to the positive lifestyle I wanted to be living. You really do have to learn to 'close yourself off' in a sense. Not necessarily live in a bubble, but learn not to let those negative things and people affect you, as the person you want to be.

    Keep up the positivity, girl! A friend in college and I used to have a little secret happy code, writing '+++' to keep each other full of positive vibes and thoughts. So, here's to you Dana! +++

    xo, katie

    ReplyDelete
  28. oprah said something once about surround yourself with people who lift you higher and that's something i strongly believe in. this post just reminded me of that. best of luck with rejecting negativity and surrounding yourself with positivity!

    ReplyDelete
  29. This is a very, very Buddhist concept. ♥ As a Buddhist, I loved reading it, because I love seeing non-Buddhists realize Buddhist principles in their own lives.

    Your posts continue to amaze me, pretty lady!

    ReplyDelete
  30. AMEN! I have some very negative people in my life too . The worst thing is, they are mostly related and it's hard to get away from their poor attitudes. I have had to do a lot of blocking - which I think is necessary to live a happy and normal life. I am around them when I have to be, but I would never willingly choose to hang out with them. I too am so over the joy-suckers in my life and I'm ready to enjoy my time with the love and support of those who want to know me as a person.

    Thank you for this post, it reiterates why I continue to go on guilt-free when I choose to be disconnected with certain people in my life!

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm extremely happy to see someone out there actually figuring this out and posting it for the masses.
    I've lived my life like this for over 2 years. In the beginning it was extremely hard to realize that everything I do, every situation I am in, everything that I feel is basically a choice made by myself.

    As a person diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it was easy for me to play into that and use it as an excuse. As soon as someone gave me the title, it's like I immediately played the role. When I figured out that I had control over myself, my mind and my disorders, it was easy for me to push aside the symptoms to make way for an easier mode of dealing with it.

    Around this time, I stopped posting negative "Oh crap, eff life" type things on FB. I stopped debating with people (because a debate is just two people thinking they are right on a different view of the same subject).. and I stopped playing into typing out "oh poor you" when people post ridiculous things about how awful life is and why can't it ever change?

    My partner of over two years and I had the discussion the other day that he can't even see me as the person I was when we started dating. Due to the progress I have made in advancing, learning, educating myself and others in a life of optimism.

    And as "flattery" said - the law of attraction really does exist. When you are negative and perceive yourself to be one that bad things happen to, you WILL attract that type of person to you, or situations, or friends.. etc.

    But when you live life in a manner of optimism, hope and beliefs that you are amazing and have the power to control what happens to you, you'll attract like minded people.

    I was tired of living poor - tired of dating the same crappy guys and I knew I just needed a change in my life. And within weeks, Steve showed up. He was who/what I attracted to me to help me achieve a better me.

    I'm still working on it, not falling back into the same things over and over again and worrying/caring about situations that I can't help in (or are beyond my control) but I just reaffirm my life and my goals of the life I want to have and live.. and it makes it that much easier.


    Great post.
    I wish you all the best with turning your life into one of positive enlightenment.

    ReplyDelete
  32. You mentioned that once you started telling people that you had anxiety issues, you let it define you. Then you realized you had to shift your focus off of the anxiety issues. Would you say that this step of admittance is actually necessary to get through to the point where you no longer let the problem define you? It seems that way to me—if you're in denial about having a problem, you can't move past it. Sometimes that involves going through a phase where you focus on it too much; but I think without that phase, you couldn't actually get past it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would say so yes. Anxiety is just that, it's all in your head. You need to come to this realization and know that you don't have to be that way. It's hard, definitely.. and something I'm still trying to work on... but i definitely think it's necessary to realize this.

      Delete
  33. I try to look at life that way as well. I am a pretty positive person, and nearly almost always look at the bright side. I have my moments, definitely. Who doesn't? But People are always telling me NOT to look for the good thing in everything. Seriously? I don't know how people live without saying, ok, at least I learned something.

    Sar

    www.etsy.com/shop/owleyevintage

    ReplyDelete
  34. This post is exactly what I needed to read! I'm going through a bit of a rubbish time at the moment, and I'm constantly telling people that I'm trying to take the positives out of the things that are happening, but I don't think I've ever really managed to do it. Reading this has given me a new outlook on how to actually draw all the positives and ignore the negatives. Thankyou!!

    http://www.sallymaylewis.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  35. oh Dana, truer words were never spoken....i'm on the path too. trying to work with all my mind power on overcoming negative thought patterns that seem so deeply embedded. don't you wish you could code your own mind and just apply a "div" to separate the shizzy stuff on a whole other portion on the page. never to cross paths again, i like that idea but also like you say, it takes resolve, focus, intentional spirit and lots of self lovin' to change things up for the better.

    funnily enough i wrote something similar that goes up tomorrow. like minds i guess...there's a lot of ladies and gents working on this very thing. i can almost feel the universal shift and it's pretty awesome! great post Dana, you are such a sensitive girl and have felt so much already, at your young age. i think you must be an old spirit, there's a teacher that lives inside you and thank goodness you've got the where-with-all to communicate with her daily.

    blessings sent your way, wishing you a new year filled with cheers + charms. and i LOVE-LOVE the latest blog design. you did a fab-tastic job!!!! xo ♥

    ReplyDelete
  36. What a great post, and a great reminder for me too!
    If you haven't read The Secret, girl, you're in for a real treat. It is based on the law of attraction and claims that positive thinking can create life-changing results such as increased wealth, health, and happiness. That is exactly what your post is about.

    I know you didn't write this post just for me, but I was meant to read it (if that makes sense). Thank you for listening to your heart and writing this post. :)

    xo
    Alisha and Brandon {the blog}

    ReplyDelete
  37. Great post! :) xxx

    http://jeminixlife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. I found this on pinterest, and it couldn't have come at a better time. I was literally thinking this morning, "how can I get past this anxiety, and just BE OK with things that I can't control?"

    This was beautifully written, and I feel like I'll come back to read it often. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Wow Dana you never cease to amaze me with your posts!!! I just started to follow your blogs and I'm in awe by each and every post you make but this one has hit home for me! I have also made myself this same promise to not allow negativity to affect my life, and anyone that is negative I have cut out of my life. I do also suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and negativity is one of the biggest factors that trigger the anxiety/panic attacks so by eliminating that negativity, life has been a lot more peaceful! Thank you so much for reminding me today to not allow that negativity to even put a foot into my life and mind.

    You're awesome!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Wow Dana you never cease to amaze me! I just started to follow your blog and your posts are amazing but this particular one has hit home! I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks from negativity, which plays a huge factor on triggering those symptoms, but once I have eliminated that completely out of my life it has been a lot more peaceful. I do not allow anyone being negative around me and the ones that are I have cut out of my life! Thank God my husband is never negative and he brings such peace into my life. Thank you for this amazing post. You're awesome!!!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Wow Dana you never cease to amaze me! I just started to follow your blog and your posts are amazing but this particular one has hit home! I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks from negativity, which plays a huge factor on triggering those symptoms, but once I have eliminated that completely out of my life it has been a lot more peaceful. I do not allow anyone being negative around me and the ones that are I have cut out of my life! Thank God my husband is never negative and he brings such peace into my life. Thank you for this amazing post. You're awesome!!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. This was an amazing post!

    I was struggling with this recently and thought, "well, how can i be more optimistic?"
    I picked up a few things:
    - Mimi-ck the behavior of those who are optimists.
    - Disengage from active negative behavior
    - Adopt a "Can Do" attitude.

    I don't want to bring religion into this, but it really does affect the way we feel about ourselves. It's exactly like you said on this post, it's hammered into our brain from the way we were raised.
    I learned this early on and decided to change my beliefs because they simply made me miserable.

    Great post! :)

    ReplyDelete

 photo prev_02.jpg  photo next.jpg  photo home.jpg
Back to Top