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nervousness.

nervousness.

I’m so nervous. I know I probably shouldn’t be, and it’s so silly that I am… but I am. I’m heading to the dentist today. I’ve been dreading this for way too long. I must sound like a child… I’m crazy for sure!  I know I have a cavity. I’m trying to look on the bright side and realize that once I go, it will all be over with.

The last time I went to the dentist it didn’t go so well. I used to not even think about being afraid and going for checkups never bothered me at all.  Until that one day. I went in for a cleaning and my dentist spotted a cavity. Not just a little cavity… a big one that was touching my nerve or something. Apparently it had to be fixed right then, so he told his receptionist to cancel his next appointment and dragged me off to the filling room. It all happened so fast… way too fast.  He was so adamant about getting my tooth taken care of RIGHT AWAY and a horrible feeling of fear came over me. It was too much to handle all at once. Soon enough, I was in that chair and my mouth had been frozen. He left the room to let the numbing kick in and that’s when I started having a full on panic attack.

I sat there in the chair with sweat dripping off me, foggy vision and deaf ears, trying to kick the horrible feelings that came over my body and convince myself not to pass out.  Just before he returned, I managed to pull myself together and he filled the dumb thing.  It hurt. I guess because it was so close to the nerve. I swear the freezing only did half of what it was supposed to do…. but I made it out alive. That’s what matters, right?

Going to the dentist hasn’t been the same since then. This time though, it’s an entirely new place, which also adds to my fears.  I have never met this new dentist before, and I have no idea what to expect.  It literally took me 5 months just to make an appointment. Dustin is going with me to hopefully help keep me calm. I just hope this visit is one that takes away my fears for the future and doesn’t add to them instead.

Just breathe.